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[16 Jul 2006|01:10am] |
The names Rachel.
I'm 17, 18 next month.
So. I've been cutting now for four years, going on five.
I've been SIing for as long back as I can remember, when I was real young (like 7-8) and purposely picking scabs, pulling my hair, punching shit.
I quit this time for two months.
The longest time? 8 months.
I made a promise to someone I really care for, whom is no longer here.
I broke that about a week ago, and cut alot.
Alot was going on...
I guess... I'm asking for someone to talk to me.
For me to know I'm not alone.
I have a lot of issues beside SIing. I'm bipolar and borderline.
I'm addicted to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes (not really an addiction to me anymore.)
I'm off medication that was helping me.
I've attempted suicide too many times to count.
I've been hospitalized once, and chicken out of going to rehab once too.
I'm addicted to piercings and tattoos, the only socially acceptable way to mutilate your body.
50% of my body is scars.
And I just want to know I'm not alone anymore. I feel like I'm the only person that feels this way, that has these problems.
So please, someone comment me back and let me know I'm just not fucking crazy...
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[16 Jul 2006|01:23pm] |
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I went to my boyfriend's house on thursday. I know this sounds off-topic from the get-go but hear me out. I was wearing baggy clothes, and he's one of the only people who knows that i cut, so he got suspicious immediately. So he told me to take my sweatshirt off so he could see the damage. I didn't want to, not because I'd cut recently, I haven't for a while, anyway, but because I got really badly sunburnt a few days before that.. He thought i'd done it on purpose. Maybe i did... I'm not sure about myself anymore.
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[16 Jul 2006|04:02pm] |
i cut last night
i dunno why
it just happens i guess
my stash of blades, scissors, knives etc has began to build up in my top draw again
i thought it was over
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